its critical to stop suppressing

8-3-22

so, i see that i cant read and connect that to what is said of being fat, for example "the fat cat had a heart attack", as that i am supressing such an extensive amount of shit thay it is like i am so fat within and as that. which is like a very nasty trait. and so i think of that and say that its like an emergency for me to stop accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself with for example over eating or anything really - so in otherwords to stop sucking-. that that is like the best thing i can do - so much so that within me i even to an extent considere it as a possible solution, as in that i have a bit of hope in that. so, im telling myself, it seems, that its very important that i accept and allow myself to try my best to not suppress myself, my emotions or whatever really, but yeah perhaps some emphasis on emotions, for example guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, anger, etc - in spite of how uncomfortable and painful it might feel, that its to perhaps recognize/aknowledge and understand and remain aware of how important it is as how much is at stake here.

....and also it can make sense to say that the more i let the energies start coming out as coming up into the surface and being seen = the more i am able to work with those energies, and perhaps it doesnt necessarily work to try and do things the other way around.