what is the thing that i know i need to do that will move my entire life forward?

8/4/22

what is the thing that i know i need to do that will move my entire life forward?

what comes up is that i need to live from a starting point of self honesty, instead of deliberately abdicating self honesty/self responsibility. that is the ine point where i am id say certain enough that i can trust is something that is best. there have been other points that i have considered as the correct thing to do but in some instances i have for example realized that there was judgment behind that apparent eighteous thing im aupposed to do, and so i just know that no matter what i do it is best thta my starting point is self honesty - because then i will deep down be at peace with myself as i will have integrity/dognity in all that i do. 

the question that now comes after that answer is - how can i actually do tha how can i actually accept and allow myself to live and do everything feom the starting point of self honesty always? ....something that comes up, which feels like a guess (nevertheless maybe a good guess), is by applying self doegiveness. not necesarily in a systematic way though. but just to forgive myself when i see i am not acting/doing from the starting point of self honesty.

....well yeah that sounds cool and like it can actually work when you see it like that. ...but then the question is - why would i want to be honest with myself in the first place? the answer that comes up is that - because being honest with myself is the only way that i will trully find inner peace that is real, because otherwise there is a deep shame inside me; otherwise the self love is not real; i mean, otherwise i am aware at some level within myself that i am lying to myself and thus living a lie / being deceived. that goes hand in hand with regret (id say instantaneously).

....i realize for example in my life its not so much about for example quitting masturbation to picture images but about being honest with myself. in otherwords i realize sometimes i vreate these standards for myself that i have to meet which i am not being honest with myself,; beliefs that i have to do things one way or another. and usually many times i am not able to meet those standards and i keep running into the same wall over and over again. this can be an indicator that i am not being honest with myself about the point