Projecting my self judgment part 1

9/1/21

Lately i have been judging women as stupid because they put their sense of value in their superficial appareance and superficial characteristics/ manerisms. Yet when it comes to who they are within it is shallow and dumb. I suppose its similar with men except men seem to put a greater amount of their self-value on their character than women. In other words it seems women primarily measure their value or self-worth in how good they look, whereas for men its on their character or personality.

Anyways, ive been judging women as stupid because i'll conjure up in my mind that if i take away their good looks a lot of them dont have anything else to offer. And so i'll go into backchat in my mind about how fucked up it is that human society will value such shallow points; like how unbelievable it is how stupid humanity is.

So, right here i am attaching a negative charge to this judgment. Now what is interesting is that i will go on in my mind judging this point yet later on i will in isolation go and start looking at woman as judging how good looking they are as checking them out, and sometimes eventually going and watching porn and masturbating to that porn, where i am doing that which i judge.

What is interesting is that, well im not sure if i know what im saying, but i heard an audio from esteni where she talks about this point, and based on what i heard i am coming to the conclusion that i am really just judging myself because i am judging that which already exists within me everytime i judge women as stupid shallow bitches. Or when i judge modern human society as unbelievably stupid.

I would like to expand on this and explain in more detail what exactly i am participating in and how i am sabotaging myself exactly when i participate in judging women and human society as i explained above but i dont really know that much. I just know that i am fucking myself into self-hatred. That it seems this is showing me that i hate myself. That the same measure of contempt i project towards others is the measure of contempt I hold against myself. Well acually i dont know if it is the exact same measure, but i agree that i am the convict of my own convictions.