Envy, self pity, and self judgment part 2

 8/28/21

I forgive myself for allowing myself to react with anger and envy toward other destoians like sunette who seem to be fonancially stable, healthy, and well on their way to becoming life.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience self pity that i once again masturbated to porn and thus that i am stuck in this cycle of this addiction and that thus things dont look good for me.

I forgive myself that i allowed myself to judge myself that i allowed myself to masturbate to porn once again and thus as a result of the self-judgment i went into self-pity where instead of objectively looking at myself and my situation and seeing what i can do about it i allowed myself to give up and instead judge myself and go into self pity which is not bringing forth a practical solution.

When i look at this what i consider is that its like a point of laziness; to say "im gonna go into self judgment and then self pity because i dont want to deal with this".

I forgive myself for sabotaging myself as veiling or blinding myself through allowing myself to go into and follow the thoughts of self pity and regret that started coming up after i masturbated, not realizing that i was through doing this preventing myself from being able to take responsibility for what happened and realize the correction necessary, because in allowing myself to judge myself i have in that allowed myself to give up. Its a form of defeatism.