9/5/21 Desire for Value

 9/5/21

Today i had planned to go to a store which is about 2 miles from my appartment to buy groceries. I was going to go on foot since i dont have a car and there are no public buses running today. Then a fear came up in me. I feared other people who would be passing by on their cars, as i walked on the sidewalk with my cart through a long street,.... I feared being seen by them, that they all have cars and here i am without a car walking with my cart. I thought of myself as a loser.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear being seeing by people passing by on their cars as i walk with my cart on the side walk.

I forgive myself that i allowed myself to fear and think that they would judge me as a loser and as less-than because most people have cars but here i am on foot with a cart.

I forgive myself for not realizing that i am really afraid of looking at my own mind as those parts where self judgment exists.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge myself as a loser for not having a car.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge myself as a loser and as less-than others because i dont have a lot of money like a lot of other people do.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to base my self worth on how much money i have in comparison to other people.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to base my self worth on who i am in comparison to other people.

I forgive myself for allowimg myself to want to be like other people in order for me to feel good about myself.

So why do i want to base my self worth on who i am in comparison to other people? Because i havent based my self worth on something real. Because i have created a worthless life for myself for many years. In otherwords when it comes to my desire to be accepted and apreciated and reapected and valued, me looking for it externaly in others is a misconception, where i am looking for these things in others not seeing that i have to give these things to myself as myself.