9/17/21
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed of myself that I accepted and allowed myself to indulge in anal masturbation (Physical masturbation).
I realize there is something (hiding) behind my reaction of me feeling ashamed of myself that I accepted and allowed myself to indulge in anal masturbation (referring to physical masturbation / no images); because it doesnt objectively make sense to me that the simple physical act of anal masturbating is something that deserves or needs for me to have to feel ashamed of myself that i accepted and allowed myself to do it. What i see (or what it seems to me) is that my shame reaction toward it has more to do with my self-definition/ the idea i have of myself and/as my preprogramed resonance as a preprogramed inherent feeling or emotion (or energy) that i experience; like my mind's signature or something like that. It feels like my mind's (or me as my mind's) preprogramed destiny, because it doesnt make sense and it feels like it moves me or sucks me up or possesses me regardless of whether it objectively makes sense to me or not.
What comes up as me describing how it feels is that it feels as if there is a trauma behind it.
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