8/12/21
...So, i was already in that 'panic attack mood'.
Why did i experience fear that i would look gay to the other employees?
What does this reaction and the thouggts that came along with it show me about myself?
What does it mean about myself?
What exactly of or about or from myself am i projecting onto other that i perceive that i am actually afraid of how others see me, instead of realizing that i am merely really just looking at a teflection of my own mind through other people?
I experiences fear because i have an issue of fear within myself. I think that essentially who i fear is myself. I fear my own judgments of/about myself that i have creates in my mind. So, this means that i am not afraid of how others see me or what they think about me, but that i am afraid of how i see me and what i think of/about myself. This means that its not that i dont want to walk in front of other people sometimes because i fear them seeing me as gay or whatever, but that i fear seeing myself, my own messed up judgmental and fearful mind amd relationship toward myself.
So a question here is, what are the judgments i have in myself that i fear looking at, and why?
Sf
I forgive myself that i have allowed myself to perceive and think that i was afraid of how others would see me, that they would think i am gay and judge me negatively, instead of seeing realizing and understamding that i was just seeing myself as in a reflection of myself as my own mind theough others the whole time.
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