Monday, July 26, 2021

7/26/22 my muscles are uneven

7/26/21

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in being concerned wether they way in which i work out is working out my left muscles more than my right ones and that therefore since it works out my left muscles more than my right ones and up to now i havent been able to get them both to be worked out the same - my left side is getting more buff than my right side.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myswkf to fear that my left aide wull be more bufd than my right side because then that will not, according to me and my ideas and beliefs of what is right, be acceptavle to aociety as women (which is the beings that i am trying to impress with getting bigger muscles and being stronger).

I forgive myseld that i have accepted and allowed myawlf to fear not being accepted by women as far as how my muscles look as i develop them.

So what comes up, which is a point that i resist to look at, is that i am not working out from the starting point of supporting what is best for all life. I am working out because there is a particular girl that i believe that i like and i want to manipulate her into desiring me by getting my body to look more attractive to the point she will not be able to resist. And within this i see that i am trying to impress her with bigger muacles as a more attractive body because i see myself as less than when it comes my personality and having an attractive personality.

A question is - do i have to stop working out to get bigger muscless as an attempt to get a girl to desire me in order to do or stand as what is best for all? This is a questiin that i fear looking into because, even though i am not certain of the answer, i do not want to have to stoo working out in order to stand as self honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting amd allowing myself to fear looking into the point because i fear giving this up, because i desire to be admired and desired by this girl.

I forgive myself for acvepting amd allowing myself to believe or fear that i will nessesarily have to give working out up.

...i dont know the answer to that fucking question. I mean, i like a girl and i want to work out and get buff to attract her, and so what!


I forgive myself for accepting amd allowing myself to believe that i have to stop working out in order to be self honest.


Its okay to work out.


...


I forgive myself for accepting amd allowing myself to burden and stress myseld out by worrying wether my left side is getting buffer than my right, instead of just working out and thats it.

I forgive myself for acceptimg amd allowing myself to fear that my left body will be somewhat buffer than my right, i mean - so what if it is?

I forgive myself for accepting amd allowing myself to fear that my body will not look "right" or "correctly".

I forgive myself for accepting amd allowing myself to believe that women or people in general will not accept me if my left side is somewhat buffer than my right.

I forgive myself for accepting amd allowing myself to torture myself with stress and worry that my body will not be even based on a belief which i jave accepted myself to generate in my mind, when all the while the potential and pissibikities that exist in reality that can be created and experienced are not something that can be seen through the mind because the mind sees things one dimensionally as thoughts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself by amd through my own beliefs which are one dimensional.

I forgive myself for accepting amd allowing myself to imprison myself in the prison of my own beliefs as these one dimensiinal ideas rhat ive accepted and allowed myself to believe which limit me because when i beliwvw my beliefs i now dont see how anything else can be true or take place bit that which i believe. And thus i am closed within a belief.


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