6/21/21

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be such a nasty human being which showed when i messaged Leslie.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be full of envy and jealousy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be full of hatred and self judgment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be full of envy and jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself that i am a human being full of envy and jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wallow in shame.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wallow in embarrasment and also in guilt.

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to wallow in shame that i asked Leslie very suddenly if she was interested in sex even though i dont know her that much, showing a very nasty characteristic of envy and jealosy wherein its like what is under those words as the envy and jealousy is that i want to take her happiness away from her for myself. And her well being.

When and as i see myself judging myself for how ugly and nasty i became inside, i stop, i breathe, and i remember what a girl once told me some years ago - that no matter how extensively and bad i messed up in my life and no matter how much people i affected by this, no matter how much of a disgusting mess i made that i just have to forgive myself for it and let it go and move forward, no matter how extensive or bad or nasty my mess was. And thus i commit myself to push myself to forgive myself for how nasty of a person i have become every time i catch myself getting caught up in self judgment and shame and guilt and regret and etc about it