3/18/21

Today i went to go get a a hair cut at a haircut place. The barber who was gonna cut my hair was a man, a black tall old man.
So he started cutting my hair and i was not satisfied with the way he was cutting it. So when he was nearly done with the haircut i asked him if he could cut it shorter. In that moment when i asked him, or even a bit before i asked him, i experienced fear. I feared asking him.
What i see is that i feared asking him to cut it shorter because i feared that he would get upset at me for not being okay with how he cut it. I feared he was going to get angry. And thats also the reason why i didnt just tell him "i need u to cut it shorter here and here", but instead i said "can you cut it a little bit shorter right here? Is that okay?" with a timid tone of voice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in fear about asking the old tall black barber man if he could cut my hair shorter after he was nearly done as i feared that he would get upset/angry at me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that the barber would become upset and peoject his upsetness/anger towards me by responding angrily and in non compliance and critically to my request/question.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that the barber would react angrily when i asked him if he could cut my hair shorter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself that i feared that the barber would become angry towards me if i asked him to cut my hair shorter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself that i feared the man would get angry at me.

I forgive myself for accepting amd allowing myself to fear my uncomfortability of asking the man if he could cut my hair shorter.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that the man was gonna get angry with me.

I realize i mindfucked myself with my own thoughts and ideas. The guy actually turned out to be nice towards me.

I realize that i judged that man that he would be mean and bitter even though i didnt know him.

I realize that me judging him as mean amd bitter even though i didnt know him amd me fearing he would be angry towards me is like a fear i have of being vulnerable.