6/18/21

Today i messaged Leslie on messenger. I asked her if she was a nymphomaniac. lol. After seeing that my message wasnt going through i started feeling ashamed of myself and worthless and insignificant. I assumed she put me on ignore or muted me and i started thinking that she isnt really as into me as i had thought before. Then some hours passed and it was nightime and i was starting to feel a bit sleepy, enough to just go to bed soon. Then i saw she had messaged me back. She messaged me in spanish but what she said would translate to "damn hahaha". What i noticed which i found interesting was that as soon as i saw that she had messaged me back i was suddenly not feeling sleepy anymore and i experienced excitement. I was feeling like if i were to go to bed in that moment i would not be able to sleep. Although along with the excitement i felt ashamed. This came along with self judgment wherein i felt pathetic and worthless. And embarrassed. I also felt insignificant. And upset.