6/18/21

6/18/21

I fear today being at work. I fear the experience of walking up the slope at the entrance of my job while others especially Leslie or other girls yet even guys watch me. I actually also fear the thought of such experience as it is the thought itself that triggets this experience of worry and fear and concern....fear of loss, fear of exposure, fear of rejection, fear of judgment and so forth.

I also fear the experience or the thought of the experience of walking before other people at work and experiencing fear and panic that i walk like i am some kind of faggot despicable faggot.

I also fear experiencing and also the thought of experiencing having the sensation that i want to shit but for whatever reason not being able to or in some cases not allowing myself to and thus experiencing that discomfort of not being able to just feel relaxed in my body as a smoothness to its flow of expression and being.

These are the main things that worry me.

I also fear sounding dumb when i speak especially but not only when i speak to Leslie.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear and worry about walking before the other people at work today.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that i will look like some kind of faggot to the girls as Crystal, Leslie, Naomi, Natalie, Maria and the others when i walk.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be terrified at the idea of walking up the slope while Crystal's truck is parked right in front of me facing me and her and the other girls hanging out inside before work starts will just look at me and be turned off by how i walk like some faggot and notice how fearful i am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear experiencing the several panic attacks that i might experience today at work before other people and even by myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so worried and fearful afraid of what others at work think of me and whether they admire me or not.